


The Consciousn-X App!

by ZetsPsych



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, Original Fiction, Other, warning: it's a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZetsPsych/pseuds/ZetsPsych
Summary: A young and charismatic CEO introduces you to his exciting new product that will revolutionize technology forever





	The Consciousn-X App!

How many times haven't you been able to enjoy a good moment because of a random problem you may have? How many times have you wanted to escape from reality? How many times have you wanted to die, seeing yourself deep into depression, feeling like there isn't anything but a dark, black, infinite void that reflects the worst of humanity inside your soul?

How many times have you hated yourself for beginning a TED talk narrating how you currently feel?

Hello! I'm Freud. Roger Freud. And here at Hyperbole Software we've been working as Persephone trying to escape Hades in order to bring you the best mobile app ever created in the history of anything:

Introducing

Consciousn-X!

[Big "APPLAUSE" sign turns on]

Consciousn-X is the latest in haptic micronuclear proteinic endomic neuronal low fat and gluten free technology for the complete and profound escapism required by the modern human being.  
We've all had bad days, haven't we? Your parents, your partner, your boss, the little voice in your head that won't let you sleep during nights and keeps repeating your death date.  
With Consciousn-X your problems will- well, I mean, they won't go away, since we ain't gods. But at least you'll be able to act like they don't exist.

At the core of Consciousn-X there's an ERP management software (Emotional Resource Planning) named the Escapism Engine! The Escapism Engine was designed and built by a multicultural, international, multicolored, multifaceted, postmodernist, and deconstructionist, so it learns and grows based on any user of any gender, race, planet, dimension, or timeline that has the predicament of being trapped at the same space and time as we are.  
With Escapism Engine's help, Consciousn-X creates unrealistic and improbable situations that'll keep you busy and entertained during downtimes and and won't let you think about the current state of Life and The World.  
Consciousn-X implements Facebook integration to automatically write negative comments on your friends posts that are way too right leaning (or way too left leaning, according to the user's preferences). This is complemented with complete connection to services such as Spotify, Netflix, or your iPhone, so you can listen to all the anarchist punk music or watch all the anticapistalist documentaries you desire.

Don't miss the opportunity to give your life a 857 degree turn and start using RIGHT NOW your Consciousn-X!

What's that? You asking how much for a license? Well aren't you nice!  
After countless hours of work, our team of Subliminal Marketting has discovered that there ain't anything sweeter than the low, low price of FREE!  
THAT'S RIGHT! Consciousn-X is absolutely free to use! Works on every goddamned platform you can think of, there is no bandwith limit, no restrictions, or minimal requirements!

So that's our time. That's the product introduction.  
Oh wait, you wanna know how to download and install it?  
Hahaha, it's already installed, my man.

You're, uh, kinda using it right now.

You've been using it for a while.

You may never finish using it.

We  
Won't  
Ever  
Let  
You  
Alone  
And  
I'll  
Never  
Leave  
Your  
Head  
.


End file.
